Quarantine Karen

We are all familiar with “The Karen.” She’s middle aged, outspoken and she would like to speak to the manager! We all have a little Karen inside of us (some more than others) and during times of stress this dark passenger comes to the surface.

All of us and our once normal, cool friends are starting to melt down Karen style over text threads, social media posts and on Marco Polo videos. Here are the different types of “Quarantine Karens” that have emerged from their 24-hour news vigils and homeschool melt-downs.

1.Dooms Day Karen– It’s time to panic! These Karens are sure they have the virus even though they have no symptoms. Their husbands, who are still going to work, are living in the garage because you can never be too careful. She sprays her kids down with Lysol each day and wipes her Clorox container off with a Clorox wipe after each use.

You can spot this Karen wearing a mask and gloves in her own home.

2. “I Know People” Karen- Her co-worker’s son’s friend works at the White House and he said the country is shutting down on Thursday. She can’t tell you his name because it’s classified… she knows it though. These Karen’s send well meaning text message to the group to share news that typically is inaccurate.

You can spot this Karen on text threads and social media sharing breaking news like she is Hoda Kotb working leads in her suburban living room.

3. Germaphobe Karen– She’s been prepping for this moment her entire life! With a stock pile of hospital grade masks, gloves and hand sanitizer she’s ready for any pandemic that a bat eating moron can send our way. She has been social distancing during flu season for years and pleased that the rest of the world has joined in.

You can recognize this Karen on Facebook by the “How To Properly Wash Your Hands” video she posted.

4. WTF Karen– She’s annoyed at all the shelter in place rules and hopes Door Dash is considered ESSENTIAL. She’s nervous about social distancing because being stuck in the house for the next week is ESSENTIALLY going to drive her nuts! This is all a little over kill BTW.

You can find this Karen quoting Fox News on her different social media pages.

5. Day Drinking Karen– She’s supposed to home school her kids and work? Not without a cocktail at 9AM. She knows who delivers margaritas and how to mix a Quarantini. Why is everyone so *hic-up* stressed out anyway *burp*?

You can find this Karen in the alcohol aisle at Kroger and on social media posting “Mama Needs to Wine” memes.

6. Hoarding Karen-This Karen puts extreme couponers to shame. She has more T.P. and Clorox Wipes in her basement than the local Costco does. When she heard that there might be a shortage of paper products she went out and bought some more… just in case.

You can spot this Karen by the NRA bumper sticker on her husbands pick up.

Hopefully we can all tuck our inner Karens back into our inner psyches again soon. No matter which one you are (or “ones” if you are a Karen hybrid), know this crisis with your alter-ego will end. Maybe we can even crawl out of quarantine with our dignity intact. Or at least with the small amount of dignity we started out with.

It’s Been Raining In Texas

Everyday for the last week it is rained here in Texas. The never ending drizzle and pop up storms have made quarantining even more soggy by keeping us completely indoors as we social distance. It’s like Mother Nature stabbed us with the COVID-19 knife and then twisted it with the bad weather.

This week, on Thursday morning, as our household started to come to life, my daughter mumbled to me that she had a leak in her ceiling. With all the rain we have had I was not too surprised to have a leak, just annoyed. I did find someone to come out right away to the house and check out our roof.

Our roofer was puzzled. He couldn’t find a leak anywhere and called in an assistant to help him look. I figured the leak was due to the massive amount of rain that had been falling. I started mentally removing a few zeros from the bill I was about to pay. That is about the time I started to hear the dry heaving coming from my attic.

The two men came down the attic ladder to give me the good news that I did not have a water leak. Instead, I had a raccoon infestation and the leak was not water but instead the raccoon’s family bathroom seeping through into my daughter’s room. That is about the time I started dry heaving. It was literally raining shit from my ceiling!

I gladly wrote a $100 check for turd removal and handed the poor man a Sprite for the road to settle his still churning stomach.

Like I said, it’s been raining in Texas.

As a country, we have all had a long week. It’s amazing how fast we went from figuratively having a leaky roof on Monday to leaking poo and dry heaving on Friday. We don’t know why this has happened to us and don’t know when it will end.

We do know that some of the smartest people on the planet are working around the clock to find a treatment for the sickest patients and to find a vaccine to help all of us. There is progress and we will move past this even though that is a small consolation today.

Right now we don’t want to be quarantined. Our kids are already over being home schooled. Most adults are ready to return to their offices and hope they have a job waiting for them when that time comes. Everyone wants to see toilet paper, bread and eggs when they walk into their grocery store. Going through the unpleasant is never fun but being uncomfortable is the catalyst of change.

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ~C.S. Lewis

I hope that’s true.

The trash panda remains in my attic as I write this. She has babies and trapping her is a death sentence for those babies which is another issue. So we wait without knowing how long. Just like the rain that is still falling outside, it’s out of our control.

This wasn’t how I thought this week would end. I guess even the raccoons who are social distancing in our attic are short on toilet paper. Being able to laugh at everything going on is the only thing we can do.

The moral of the story? “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” Just make sure it’s actually rain before you start the music.

How We’re Going To Do This…

If you would have asked me a week ago what I thought about those people who stock up for end of days and the zombie apocalypse, I would have called them nut jobs. Today, they all seem a bit more reasonable.

Seriously, who thought we would be HERE today? School canceled for the year. No practice, no games or tournaments, no orthodontist appointments and no rushing to do anything. It’s surreal.

Last night I started to panic. Our lives have come to a complete halt with no end in site. Everything that brings my family joy has been canceled or at the very least postponed. Even this morning I was near tears thinking about all of the things I can’t control right now. As a person who over plans everything… this is hard.

So I decided to make a plan. A plan of how we are going to do this. A plan to get through the days of social distancing, homeschooling and running out of toilet paper.

  1. Stop Hoarding Food and Supplies (Just don’t do it)

Right now, we are not in danger of running out of anything. Trust the US supply chain, we are NOT out of food. “There is food being produced. There is food in warehouses,” said Julie Anna Potts, chief executive of the North American Meat Institute, a trade group for beef, pork and turkey packers and producers. “There is plenty of food in the country.”

It’s important to buy only what you need and not stockpile like it’s Armageddon.

2. Homeschooling (YIKES)

For all of us non-teachers, the thought of having to teach our kids, even with the assistance of the teachers working remotely, is scary. I don’t know common core math, I haven’t studied Spanish since college and I didn’t understand Algebra II even when I was taking it! Not to mention my youngest son has Dyslexia and relies so much on his tutor and intervention specialist to learn and progress.

The Today Show says the first step is to turn to your child’s school. “First things first, see if your teacher or school has learning packets or classes via Google classrooms or Zoom.”

For older kids in middle or high school check out Khan Academy for their video tutorials. (My friend Christa shared that great tip with me.)

Many states have suspended their state testing for the year. This is an opportunity for kids to enjoy learning and for teachers just to teach (even if it is remotely) without the pressures a standardized test places on everyone.

3. Manage Disappointment (Total Bummer)

Typically when we don’t have school our house is full of friends. There are sleepovers, pool parties, sports practices, games, tournaments and the doorbell ringing non stop with neighbors bouncing in and out of the house. I usually play tennis a few times a week and my husband golfs with friends a few days too. ALL of this has come to an abrupt and disappointing halt.

While nothing will console my daughter who is missing her best friend and the volleyball team they both play on, there are other things to look forward to. For the first time in years we have no schedule. Kids can stay in their PJs until noon, we have time to play board games in our practice-less evenings and eat together as a family.

After the novelty of not being in school wears off and the real boredom sets in it will be up to us to manage our family’s disappointment. The disappointment of missing sports, friends and special occasions will add up.

The CDC suggests several things we can all do to help ourselves through this time. “Remind yourself that you can reschedule some events. For those dates that cannot be moved, think about the future. The current situation may prevent you from being with your loved ones during a meaningful day, but you will be able to see them healthy for many years to come if you take precautions now.”

4. Together Time (#forcedfamilyfun)

We are all going to be home a lot. It is stressful for my family to all be together day after day with no school or work to break things up. For families who are trying to work and homeschool kids the stress will be even higher.

Take this time to watch some old home movies, do a puzzle, play board games and watch a Netflix series as a family. Have the kids keep a journal or draw pictures about what is going on so they can look back at it later.

It is also important to allow alone time. While we typically don’t like to have closed bedroom doors in our house, I think in small amounts it will be important to get through the quartine period.

Another good family project would be to foster an animal in need. Shelters and rescues are overflowing and will provide vet care and food/supplies to foster families. You just need to give time and love to the pet. The good news about fostering is when your foster pet finds their new family, there is always another pet waiting in the wings for your family’s time and love.

5. Stay Healthy (Duh!)

Breaking news… The most important thing to do right now is to stay healthy. Stay hydrated, keep washing your hands and try to stay as active as you can even while you don’t have access to a gym. It goes without saying that smoking and vaping is a huge no no with a virus going around that can attack the lungs (shocking).

The CDC website has several suggestions of ways to stay healthy. The best advice I read on the website was simple. “The best way to prevent illness is to avoid being exposed to this virus.” Seems simple enough to read, but we all know it’s easier said than done.

In all seriousness, most of us have never lived through a quarantine or remembers a time when schools and offices were shut down. I know when this is over I won’t take our freedom to do as we please each day for granted. I hope my kids won’t either.

I can’t plan for much right now. That takes me completely out of my comfort zone. That’s what it takes to make change happen though. With so many of us pushed past what is comfortable maybe that is what we needed to see past our own busy lives and to see the bigger pictue. Hopefully that is the only part of COVID-19 that sticks around.

Lessons For My Son

Congratulations, my husband and I are now the proud parents of a nearly 6 foot tall, 15 year old bouncing baby man child! Just like when we brought him home from the hospital, there is no manual to parent him. That is challenging for us of course and I’m sure frustrating for him.

Recently, during a heated discussion, after an event where he gave far less than his best, he asked me for some bullet points of our expectations for him. I understand he is growing up and wanting to make his own choices but he still has a lot to learn before he goes off on his own. And thank goodness, I can’t imagine living with him if he really did know it all!

I came up with five bullet points for him that combine all of the expectations we have for him, his siblings and even ourselves. This isn’t ground braking parenting and I certainly expect for us to get it wrong from time to time… as we always have. Hopefully, in between mistakes, we do teach our kids the lessons they need to move forward as productive and exceptional adults.

Work hard and give your best effort in everything you do. Even when you don’t feel like it. Oprah said it best, “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” There will be times in his life when what he is doing matters a lot to him (video games) and other times when it matters very little (chores). If he starts practicing giving his best effort in all he does, it will create a lifelong habit. His teachers in high school, professors in college and his future bosses will all expect this from him.

I know it’s impossible to expect a teenager to take out the trash or clean his room with a Christmas morning type of happiness. I do want him to learn that anything worth doing, is worth doing well. Even if that “anything” literally is taking out the garbage.

Put effort into family relationships and friendships. Take care of the people who take care of you. Friendships are not made and maintained virtually within games or on social media. Making and maintaining friendships takes effort from both parties. I hope my son goes out the way for his friends and family. I also hope he lets his friends and family do the same for him. My dad always told me to, “Take care of the people who take care of you.” It’s one of the most important lessons I want to pass on to my son and his siblings. The people we let into our lives, they matter.

Work to improve yourself always by setting goals, meeting those goals and then set new goals. My son is on his high school golf team. To keep this simple I explained it in terms of his golf score. If he wants to lower his golf score he likely won’t go from consistantly shooting a 90 to a 75 in one or two rounds. He will need to set a smaller goal, meet that goal and then set a new one. Eventually those goals will add up. Just like in golf, it’s unlikely that success with come easily and in a linear and consistent direction. He should be prepared for the shanks and 3 putts life will throw at him.

In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes all of the difference.

Have an Attitude of Gratitude.

Brene Brown said, “What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” Raising children who don’t feel privileged even when they lead a privileged life, is difficult.

There are certainly times where it is easier for all of us to be grateful like birthdays, Christmas and during fun vacations. Building an attitude of gratitude into our everyday lives makes is how to add it into our daily routines. I ask my kids everyday, tell me something good that happened during their day. Some days the answer is simple, like just coming home after a long day of school and some days are more exciting like a good grade on a test or someone brining cupcakes for their birthday. No matter what the day brings, there is always (and I mean always)something to be grateful for. I hope my son can one day enjoy the habit of finding at least one thing every day that he is grateful for.

Don’t Be Afraid to Fail

J.K. Rowling, who was no stranger to failing before she wrote the Harry Potter series, said it best. “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all- in which case, you fail by default.”

Failure is so many things. It’s embarrassing, it’s awkward and it’s time consuming. Without failure though there is no success. My hope for my son is that he learns to appreciate all he learns when he fails so he can apply those lessons to earn the success I know he will have. Most of all, I hope he learns to never be afraid to fail. Like anything, that too takes practice.

I love this stage of parenting teenagers. It is challenging and difficult but is also so rewarding. I’m seeing the young version of the adults they will become. There are frustrations but there are so many more fun moments where I hope we are making traditions and establishing the grown up relationships we will have together long after they leave our home. Hopefully they still ask for my advice when that happens and maybe when they are grown, they will actually listen to it.

Sportsball Friends

Once you become a mom of older kids, your social life changes. Playgroup is a thing of the past, you have graduated from the PTA and there are no more school parties to plan. Your weekends become an endless cycle of sports meets, matches and tournaments. You begin to skip dinner and drinks with your friends on Friday night because the thought of being even a tiny bit tired or hungover at your all day sportsball event makes you want a nap thinking about it. Your kid probably has practice then anyway.

You will attend endless clinics, practices and games with the same moms. Day after day, week after week and if your kid is in it for the long haul, year after year. If you are lucky, you may find another mom on the team who’s kid gets along with yours. As those two start to create their first inside jokes, the endless texting will begin and the sleepovers will follow. Pretty soon the texts between the moms aren’t just about when practice starts, when the game was moved to or where the sleepover is that night. They have become friends too, and their inside jokes and endless texting begin.

Sportsball mom friends may be one of the highlights of this stage in life. Expectations of the friendship are easy. You are both busy with kids and are driving all over in different directions. You back each other up to make sure everyone gets to and from practice. When one of you can’t attend a game, you take care of each other’s kid like you would your own. This includes taking the pictures, videos, extra cheering and making sure they eat. No money exchanges hands. I fed her kid today but she fed mine twice last week. It will all even out.

If you are lucky enough to play on a travel team then the real fun begins. You spend time in airports, cars and in hotels. For days your team becomes a little gypsy family on the road. While you calculate the cost of each over priced meal you know it was well spent. Your kid is living their best life with their bestie, playing the sport they love to play. All the while the moms have a front row seat together in the bleachers which, by the way, are killing your backs. You will sit there for a day or two more though, cheering, clapping and popping Advil like concession stand M&Ms.

I have heard the moms of grown kids say this was the best time of their lives. I believe it. Our kids aren’t babies and they aren’t adults. This is the sweet spot, where the last remaining years of having them in our home, lie. It’s been one of my favorite times of being a parent despite the teenage drama and know it all attitudes.

I know my days of sitting with my sportsball mom friend while we watch our kids play side by side are fleeting. Our kids will grow, they will change teams, get cut from teams, change sports or even change interests altogether. I hope their friendships will extend beyond the sport that brought them together. The two of them are a good pair. Maybe this stage of their friendship is just the first set in a long three set match.

I also hope my friendship extends beyond carpool and sleepovers. I try to imagine us 10 years from now with no one to drive to practice and all the time in the world to lunch or take a girls weekend. Thinking of us as those women, not as moms but just as women, seems foreign. Just as the days of PTA and playgroups passed us by, so will the days of driving kids around. I’ll have to think more about the future another time though, we need to leave for practice.

Purple Foot Chicken Leg

I ended 2019 with foot surgery. I had been dealing with pain in my foot for nearly a year and had initially chalked it up to being over 40. Literally, I had my 41st birthday and the pain started, just like a car breaking down the day after the warranty expired.

My first cast after surgery. I was still asleep when the color was chosen…clearly.

It turns out, I wasn’t old, just extra. I was literally born with an extra bone in my foot called an Accessory Navicular Bone. That accessory bone was banging around like a tennis shoe does inside a dryer. It was knocking against the bone next to it and rubbing against a tendon. Typically I love accessories but this one cost more to remove than buying a new Louis and it came with a custom scar to brand me like a monogram labels a custom bag.

Once I had the surgery, the healing process slowly began. I may have gone under the knife a 41 year old but I came home a solid 84 year old grandma. Falling became an everyday fear for me. My kids had to scrape me off the floor several time during the first few weeks. One time during the day when no one was home, I fell and had to call a friend to pick me up off the ground. I’m sure I looked like a sobbing toddler who needed a hug. The “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercial became relatable and very much not funny. Well to me it wasn’t funny, my family thought it was hilarious!

I had been in a cast for 4 weeks when it was finally removed. I was ready to be in a boot and regain my mobility. After a month, I was extremely ready to learn to walk again and put the knee scooter and crutches away. Not being able to walk independently made everything I did take four times as long and at least that much more frustrating.

So when the final cast came off and I saw my leg… or what was left of my leg, all of my spirits fell. Instead of seeing my leg that had always been strong, I saw a leg that had morphed into a pale white toothpick that had no prayer of supporting my weight. My weight that was considerably more after sitting around doing nothing for weeks at this point.

Chicken Leg!

After the cast came off and I came to terms with my chicken leg, I watched myself start to slowly heal. I started to appreciate how amazing the human body really is. When a body part, like my foot, goes through any trauma, the body begins sending extra blood to the trauma site to begin the healing process. For me, this meant that my leg and foot would turn bright “Barney the Dinosaur” purple and stay that color for weeks. The doctor told me my body was over reacting to the trauma. Clearly over reacting is a natural reaction for me and is as much a part of my DNA as my blue eyes and short legs are.

Barney the Dinosaur Purple Foot

As I write all of this I have started walking again in a boot and have begun some physical therapy. I’m in good company at PT with many of my fellow octogenarians working out next to me. Although with every visit to PT I feel like I get a little closer to my own age and very slowly back to my own weight. My chicken leg is still small but it is getting stronger. The Barney foot is still purple so I guess that means my body continues to over react. Shocking.

Now that I am in week 7 of recovery I am seeing some big improvements. I’m a few weeks away from returning to my normal activities and hopefully making my purple foot chicken leg just a memory.