Several years ago I had the privilege of listening to a Russian Orthodox Priest speak at an event. He told a story about his grandparents coming to the US from Russia. His grandfather died on the ship on the way over leaving his grandmother with 5 children to care for on her own. When she arrived she spoke no English, had no money and no way to support her family. One day, the police arrived at their small, shabby apartment looking for the children who had not reported to school. One of the neighbors translated what the officers were saying to her and she quickly went to find her wallet. She opened up her empty wallet and showed the officers there was no money inside to pay for school, especially with so many children. When she learned that school was free, she could not believe it! Every morning she told her children how lucky they were to have this opportunity for an education and not to waste it or take it for granted. They heard that same speech every day until they graduated.
Her children all went on to graduate from high school and college and they passed on their work ethic and love for learning on to her grandchildren. The priest, along with his siblings and cousins, all heard a version of their grandmother’s speech each morning about the wonderful opportunity they had been given with a free education. They were not to take that opportunity lightly. The priest and most of his generation attended college and eventually many of them went on to hold advanced degrees.
Most people would look at this priest and only see a very smart man. Without hearing the story of his remarkable family matriarch who immigrated to a new country and raised her children alone, you would not understand the circumstances that made him and his large family all appreciate their educations. This was the priest’s message. You do not truly understand a person until you understand their parents and their grandparents.
So when we spend more time worrying about WHAT people believe and ignore WHY they believe it, we are not getting the whole story.
In our world today, we spend very little time understanding why someone thinks how they do. Shamers on social media and on the news want us to choose a side, pick up a pitch fork and torch to join a fight that will never have a winner. There will only be two sides of losers who seem to not be concerned about anything except being right and proving to others how right they are. Somewhere along the way, we were told that if people don’t agree with us 100% they are terrible, uneducated, horrible individuals. We no longer celebrate our differences with healthy debates or get to know each other to truly understand where our beliefs are rooted.
If we think back to childhood, we can all remember having a friend who was different than we were. They introduced us to new music, new ways to dress and new foods to try. Different was exciting. This excitement of being unique helped shape us into the adults we have become. What would life be like if we had shamed that ‘different’ friend instead of getting to know them? What would we have missed out on? What would they have missed out on?
Today, patience and forgiveness are no longer extended to strangers and rarely even to people we love. Every one of us are expected to be perfect and the measuring unit for perfection changes depending on who is holding the measuring cup. Since the recipie continues to change, it sets everyone up to fall short or to over do it. If our perfection ends up “just right” it actually may be more of an accident than a deliberate decision. While we withhold our kindness and label those around us right or wrong and good or bad, we over look the 3rd option that is right in front of us. Grace. This is the grey area that gives us the ability to forgive, see another perspective, change course and hopefully sets us on the path that will make us a better or more understanding person.
Our world right now is scary. Kids are attending school at home, riots fill our streets, people hate something about everything and the media is leading the conversation more than they are reporting on it. Most of us are scared, feeling unheard and are starting to panic. There is no safe space to reach out to. There is a higher likelihood that a person seeking help will be ganged up on, laughed at and condemed than to have someone say, I don’t agree with you but I’m still here for you. That is almost unheard of.
Extend kindness and grace to the people you disagree with most. Fear is the biggest enemy in the world, not COVID, not our political affiliations, not our enemies and not our friends. If we take away the fear and replace it with understanding and compassion, we could be on our way to a better end to 2020 than its panic filled beginning. Having a friend with different beliefs is better any day than having a stranger who agrees with you.
I wish I could remember the name of the Russian Priest I heard speak. I’m curious about what advice he would give out for everyone who was navigating life today. Maybe he should suggest we all take inventory of the knowledge and traditions our grandparents and parents have given us. Understanding why we are who we are may help us to understand others and can help us be more tolerant of someone who believes the exact opposite of what we believe to our core. Or maybe we should all listen to his grandmother and we should leave the house each day thankful for the opportunities we have been given. If she can do it widowed, in a country where she didn’t speak the language, with 5 children to raise and no way to support them, then maybe we can successfully navigate 2020.
Erin Has Something To Say 