The vast majority of Q (quarantine) has been as much fun as a trip to the gyno followed by a root canal. Being stuck at home has forced me to find things to do to keep myself busy because if I’m not busy I will have too much time for panic attacks and meltdowns. I have sewn masks, crocheted, read and even colored. That has all been fun but not quite super exciting.
If I had to hand out awards for the 2020 Best of Quarantine, my list would include the things that made me smile when there wasn’t much to smile about. The Q awards won’t have a red carpet, no trophy and the best dressed lists will be made based on the comfort level of the outfit. Very fitting for a pandemic era awards show.
So, without further delay, my “Q Awards” go to the following people and companies. All for keeping us entertained, fed for a small fortune and for helping us stay sane during one of the hardest times most of us have collectively gone through.
Door Dash- Winner Laziest Couch Potato Award
I was a big fan of the Door Dash before we all became hermits and shut ins. Who doesn’t want to pay three times the price for fast food for the privilege of having dinner delivered directly to your couch? Once we were sheltered in place, Door Dash was our connection to the outside world and made us feel a little more normal. If Whataburger was still making taquitos then how bad can things really be? So thank you Door Dash for bringing us a contactless bit of happiness delivered directly to our front door mats… for a large fee.
Leslie Jordan-Winner Best Instagram Videos
Well She-it, I fell in love with Mr. Jordan when he was, “well, well, well it’s Beverly Leslie,” Karen’s frenemy on Will and Grace. But Leslie Jordan became my friend this March via Instagram. His daily updates to his “fellow hunker downers” made me smile when I watched them. His drama is hilarious and his videos did not disappoint.
Mr Jordan has met some of those most interesting people and is friends with just about everyone who is famous. He has the most endearing stories about anything and everything which I could listen to him tell all day long!
Thank you Leslie Jordan for being everyone’s friend during Q! We hope you keep entertaining us on The Gram long after the pandemic is over.
Tiger King-Winner Worst People Ever In A Netflix Series
Yes it was husband killing terrible and yes I watched every single minute of it! Episode after episode I couldn’t believe what I was watching and as the series went on, it only got worse! We couldn’t have created a more perfect show to watch while we were getting used to being sheltered in place if we tried. The best way to avoid feelings of fear and anxiety is to watch a series about a gay thruple living together in an Oklahoma, redneck Tiger Zoo. After watching this series we ALL felt better about our own lives.
Quiby-Winner Best Streaming Service For Short Attention Spans
Finally a streaming service fit for the attention span of a gnat! A mobile only service with shows that range from 4-10 minutes in length. My favorite is a show called “Dummy” with Anna Kendrick. She is a writer who becomes friends with her boyfriend’s sex doll. After being stuck at home for a few weeks I really needed a series with 6 minute episodes about a sex doll and her BFF. It’s just as hilarious as it sounds and with a 3 month free trial, it costs nothing to try it out. Way cheaper than buying your own sex doll to be friends with.
Marco Polo-Winner Best App To See Friends Without Actually Seeing Them
Again, not a new app, I’ve been on Marco Polo every day for the last two years. This app lets you record messages one on one or in a group. It’s like a FaceTime call but it can be watched on YOUR time more like a video text. What it really does well is lets you see your friends’ faces and hear their voices which is the human connection we all miss in Q.
I talk to my oldest friends every day via Marco Polo, but Q let us not only talk about regular stuff like should we cut our hair or how should we punish a nasty teenager, but now we could argue about staying home or wearing masks too. We could discuss who needed medicated the most on any given day and if we had friends over should we make them pee in the yard (only one of us opted for that one) or let them use the bathroom inside? Since we have been friends for a hundred years we are all VERY familiar with the particular varieties of crazy each one of us are. Without our MP app, we would have not had those deep conversations that gave us entertainment for weeks.
Ashley Joesph-Winner Most Popular Texter In A Group Chat
Who you ask? Ashley is the 2 year old daughter of my friend Lisa. This girly has 3 older brothers and like most kids her age loves to find her mom’s phone and play. She is also extremely proficient at texting and that is why she deserves a Q award.
One of my favorite part of quarantine has been getting a text that reads “sdfklkj sldkfj tifjfk eeeeeeeetind asdkfjh” which alerts all of us in the group text that Ash-zilla has stolen her mama’s phone. That is our cue to send her every Disney and princess gif we can find.
Don’t ask me why this is so much fun but getting texts from Ashley is the highlight of quarantine. I think on days that were sad and blah, knowing a happy little girl was sitting across town from me finding joy with her mom’s phone and knowing she is laughing at the gifs we are sending her made me not think about what was going on in the world. Lisa shared she once found this sweet girl kissing the phone when her favorite princess appeared. Priceless, right?
This concludes what I hope to be the first and ONLY “Q Awards.” While most of us had to really stretch to find things to do for the last few weeks, there was always entertainment to be found. While it can take the shape of a redneck tiger breeder or talking to friends using an app, at least it was all better than than the gyno/root canal option… but in some cases, just barely.
Erin Has Something To Say 