I hope you’re not a spectator in the lives of other people. Be in the stories. Show up, show up, show up!” ~Hannah Brencher
Covid-19 and it’s buddy quarantine came roaring into our lives like an EF-5 tornado. It took our lives and plans and blew them into next month (or the month after that). In our house, we went from an active family of 5 going in different directions at full speed ahead to a family of sloths sitting on the couch arguing over where to get takeout for dinner.
We have all reacted to these changes differently. My 15 year old son, Dylan, was made to quarantine. He can snack and game all day. Several golf courses are open so he has been able to play a few rounds. School work can be done from the comfort of his bedroom… he is living his best life.
My younger son, Will, is hanging in there like his big brother, (minus the golf). He is missing his friends and really missing playing lacrosse and football. He missed two seasons of sports last year with a broken leg and later a fractured back. This was supposed to be his comeback year. He is taking that disappointment like a champ.
My daughter, Genna, is the opposite. Two of the most important things in her life, her friends and volleyball, have been taken away from her. She loves her friends like they are family but FaceTime calls and Netflix Watch Parties don’t replace the fun they have during a sleepover.
She misses being active. We are working out as a family but doing air squats and sit ups with mom and dad don’t replace the fun she has conditioning with her volleyball team. Weekend tournaments have been canceled just as her team started to hit their stride and the whole season is up in the air. She still spends time serving in the driveway against the house but that doesn’t come close to the excitement of wearing her jersey and stepping out on the court with her team.
When it became clear that Genna’s 13th birthday would happen while “shelter in place” was still in effect she broke down. There were too many disappointments in a short time for a girl who can usually make lemonade out of any lemons life throws at her.
Her birthday arrived this week… and so did all of her friends. They showed up BIG! The messages started early in the morning as did the videos and social media posts. Many of her friends stopped by to drop off cards, candy and some gifts. Her besties, “The Secret Sister Squad” stopped by for a social distance lunch. The best part of her day was the love she received from all of the most important people her in life. Boy did she need to feel that love.
Her friends showed up for her. When she thought of all of the time and effort it took for everyone to record a video, post a message or to come to the house to drop off a gift it overwhelmed her. As a mom, I was so happy she has surrounded herself with such a great group of friends. I hope she never takes for granted what a special gift those girls are in her life.
As Emily Dickinson once said, “My friends are my estate.”
I know it’s not just my daughter who is having a hard time right now. Kids all over the world are missing out on birthday celebrations, proms, senior sports seasons and even simple things like Sunday dinner with their grandparents. Everything these kids have known most their lives has been taken away from them with no end in sight. I even heard rumors that school may not start on time in the fall. No matter how this ends, it’s going to be hard on all of the kids.
It’s up to all of us to show up big for them! No matter how hard life is as an adult, this is our kids’ childhood. We need to celebrate holidays the best we can. Birthdays need to be a big deal not just for our own kids but for their friends as well. We need to celebrate summer when it gets here. Even if it’s just a Saturday with a sprinkler and popsicles in the backyard. Those are the moments they will remember.
For the older kids we need to understand that missing out on the milestones they have been working towards is devastating to them. “We all remember how important our friends were when we were 14, 15 and 16. Those shared experiences with peers were memorable parts of growing up,” says Terrill Bravender, M.D., M.P.H. chief of adolescent medicine at Michigan Medicine C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital.
Of course these kids could always have it worse. Most of them won’t get COVID-19 or have to battle for their lives in the hospital on a ventilator, thankfully. But let’s not minimize the pain and discomfort these kids are going through. For them, it may be the first time they have faced anything so disappointing. How we teach them to navigate this challenge will show them how to make it through the next adversity they face.
Right now we are juggling keeping our families and neighbors safe by staying home all the while wishing life could go back to normal. When we do return to “regular” life, I hope our busy family of 5 going in different directions remembers to slow down and do nothing together because we want to take time to show up for each other. And each time we argue about where to get take out from, I hope it’s not lost on any of us where we learned this hard but important lesson.
Erin Has Something To Say 