Congratulations, my husband and I are now the proud parents of a nearly 6 foot tall, 15 year old bouncing baby man child! Just like when we brought him home from the hospital, there is no manual to parent him. That is challenging for us of course and I’m sure frustrating for him.
Recently, during a heated discussion, after an event where he gave far less than his best, he asked me for some bullet points of our expectations for him. I understand he is growing up and wanting to make his own choices but he still has a lot to learn before he goes off on his own. And thank goodness, I can’t imagine living with him if he really did know it all!
I came up with five bullet points for him that combine all of the expectations we have for him, his siblings and even ourselves. This isn’t ground braking parenting and I certainly expect for us to get it wrong from time to time… as we always have. Hopefully, in between mistakes, we do teach our kids the lessons they need to move forward as productive and exceptional adults.
Work hard and give your best effort in everything you do. Even when you don’t feel like it. Oprah said it best, “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” There will be times in his life when what he is doing matters a lot to him (video games) and other times when it matters very little (chores). If he starts practicing giving his best effort in all he does, it will create a lifelong habit. His teachers in high school, professors in college and his future bosses will all expect this from him.
I know it’s impossible to expect a teenager to take out the trash or clean his room with a Christmas morning type of happiness. I do want him to learn that anything worth doing, is worth doing well. Even if that “anything” literally is taking out the garbage.
Put effort into family relationships and friendships. Take care of the people who take care of you. Friendships are not made and maintained virtually within games or on social media. Making and maintaining friendships takes effort from both parties. I hope my son goes out the way for his friends and family. I also hope he lets his friends and family do the same for him. My dad always told me to, “Take care of the people who take care of you.” It’s one of the most important lessons I want to pass on to my son and his siblings. The people we let into our lives, they matter.
Work to improve yourself always by setting goals, meeting those goals and then set new goals. My son is on his high school golf team. To keep this simple I explained it in terms of his golf score. If he wants to lower his golf score he likely won’t go from consistantly shooting a 90 to a 75 in one or two rounds. He will need to set a smaller goal, meet that goal and then set a new one. Eventually those goals will add up. Just like in golf, it’s unlikely that success with come easily and in a linear and consistent direction. He should be prepared for the shanks and 3 putts life will throw at him.
In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes all of the difference.
Have an Attitude of Gratitude.
Brene Brown said, “What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” Raising children who don’t feel privileged even when they lead a privileged life, is difficult.
There are certainly times where it is easier for all of us to be grateful like birthdays, Christmas and during fun vacations. Building an attitude of gratitude into our everyday lives makes is how to add it into our daily routines. I ask my kids everyday, tell me something good that happened during their day. Some days the answer is simple, like just coming home after a long day of school and some days are more exciting like a good grade on a test or someone brining cupcakes for their birthday. No matter what the day brings, there is always (and I mean always)something to be grateful for. I hope my son can one day enjoy the habit of finding at least one thing every day that he is grateful for.
Don’t Be Afraid to Fail
J.K. Rowling, who was no stranger to failing before she wrote the Harry Potter series, said it best. “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all- in which case, you fail by default.”
Failure is so many things. It’s embarrassing, it’s awkward and it’s time consuming. Without failure though there is no success. My hope for my son is that he learns to appreciate all he learns when he fails so he can apply those lessons to earn the success I know he will have. Most of all, I hope he learns to never be afraid to fail. Like anything, that too takes practice.
I love this stage of parenting teenagers. It is challenging and difficult but is also so rewarding. I’m seeing the young version of the adults they will become. There are frustrations but there are so many more fun moments where I hope we are making traditions and establishing the grown up relationships we will have together long after they leave our home. Hopefully they still ask for my advice when that happens and maybe when they are grown, they will actually listen to it.
Erin Has Something To Say 